What are Sex Positive Spaces?
A sex positive space is an intentional environment where people can explore and express their sexuality in an open, safe, and consensual way. Built on respect, inclusivity, and communication, these spaces are designed to counter the “sex-negative” messages of mainstream culture—where shame and judgment often surround sexuality. Whether it’s a workshop, a party, or a community gathering, the focus is always on creating freedom and safety for authentic sexual exploration.
I have been lucky enough to have had many opportunities to try out different sex positive spaces. From an all female Liquid Love event; sliding around 20 other naked bodies in a big pool of slippery olive oil to spending a night in Tamera community in Portugal and playing with a small group of sex-plorers, in an environment which promotes free love. Many years ago, these special spaces were hard to find, now they are everywhere and slowly becoming more accepted & less judged.
Examples of Sex Positive Events Around the World
You may be wondering how many sex positive spaces there are…well, over the last 10 years, I have visited Berlin’s playful, cabaret parties, where people are free to express themselves through colourful & exotic clothing, small play parties & the infamous kinky, Kit Kat club. I have tried swingers clubs in Barcelona and Brussels, a BDSM club in Lisbon, a kink party and Slow Sex event in the Algarve, a classy, town- house party in North London for bisexual & bi-curious women and a techno/ conscious kink club in Hackney, east London with a creative vibe. And, I have been in many Tantra workshops, where exploration of our sexuality was guided and encouraged. I’ve been to a Female Ejaculation workshop, where a small group of women, self pleasured together, re-sensitising their g-spots to get their juices flowing.
Why Sex Positivity Matters
So, what is a sex positive event and why does it matter? Each space I’ve attended was held differently, but with the intention of creating a safe place to explore and express sexuality in a healthy way. This is not something encouraged by the mainstream and therefore we call modern society ‘sex- negative’, because there is so much shaming around the body, sex and pleasure, especially for women living in a patriarchal society. That’s why the term sex positive space is important: it highlights a shift away from shame and repression.
The most sex positive dating app I’ve used has been Feeld. Feeld attracts people from the LGBTQ + community as well as couples who are looking for a third person to have fun with. People are attracted to this app, because it’s expected that you state your sexual desires on your profile and match based on your sexual preferences, as opposed to other apps like Tinder, where you match on appearance and interests.
The Benefits of Sex Positive Spaces
It takes a lot of courage to play with the edges of your comfort zone like this. I always admire people who show up to such events, because most westerners have been conditioned to feel that their sexuality is only accepted in a way that should be confined to the bedroom, while at the same time we are overloaded with hyper sexual images on a daily basis. But our sexual energy and power is a huge part of our essence, something to be celebrated!
The more we repress our sexual side, the more it gets pushed into the shadows and comes out in unhealthy ways. However, when experimenting, it’s important to always stay within our window of tolerance. This is the area beyond our comfort zone, but within our boundaries. When we explore within our window of tolerance we can grow, connect and heal with others. If we push ourselves too much and our nervous system can’t handle it, we run the risk of re-traumatising ourselves.
Sex positive spaces give us the opportunity:
To use our imagination
Dare to express our fantasies
Ask for what we want
And get to practise speaking out our boundaries
Personal Growth
It’s an intense space for growth; handling rejection, taking the chance to initiate connection, fulfilling long- held fantasies, expressing your authentic sexy- self. Osho the great mystic, talks about needing to act out a fantasy in real life, in order to release it from the mind. I have found this to be true. As long as it isn’t harmful to anyone, and you have full consent to act it out, it can be transformative. A lot can come up in a space like this. Patterns of feeling ‘not enough’ or ‘too much’, can highjack the brain. Fear of abandonment, fear of being shamed for expressing your wildest desires, feeling unattractive… all our biggest insecurities can feel amplified in spaces like this.
The Dark Side of Sex Positive Spaces
And it’s worth mentioning, that alongside the mainstream #MeToo movement, that there has also been numerous accusations of abuse from leaders and facilitators of such events. Emotional, psychological and sexual abuse has been reported, leading to investigation & closure of some places. So when choosing a sex positive event, it’s important to do your research. Leader’s shadows can come out and leak all over the group. Feeling pressurised to perform, being expected to move at a faster pace than what feels true for you or overstepping your own boundaries to please the group is unfortunately quite common. So as much as there is a light side in these spaces, there is also a dark side.
Code of Etiquette: How to Navigate a Sex Positive Event
Things to remember in sex positive spaces:
Listen to people’s expressed boundaries
Get explicit consent
Don’t space invade where it’s not invited (even by just watching)
Be hygienic
Communicate effectively
Respect everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, gender, kink.
Listening to your own needs & having the ability to resource when needed is really important. Resourcing may look like taking a break, finding a quiet place to rest, taking care of yourself so you feel safe or reaching out for support/ connection. If you follow the rules of each individual space and stay within your window of tolerance, then it can be an adult playground for sensory bliss…You may get to meet parts of you, you never knew existed. Give them space, to come out and play…and to surprise yourself. Sex positivity allows you shame free access to your primal self, your kinky self, your sensual self, your adventurous self…Find other weirdos you vibe with and have fun!
If you’re curious to learn more, stay tuned by joining my newsletter to get updates on tantra sex retreats and coaching programs. Or reach out to me with your questions.
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A sex positive space is an intentional environment where people can explore and express their sexuality without shame. These spaces prioritize consent, safety, and inclusivity, creating room for authentic connection and healthy exploration.
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Activities vary depending on the event. Some focus on workshops (like Tantra or slow sex practices), while others may be playful parties or kink gatherings. The common thread is consent: everything is optional, and participants are encouraged to communicate their boundaries clearly.
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Exact numbers are difficult to track, but sex positive events have grown rapidly in recent years. From Berlin’s Kit Kat Club to community-led workshops in Lisbon, London, and New York, these spaces now exist in most major cities worldwide.
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When well-organized, yes. Responsible communities emphasize clear consent rules, trained facilitators, and a supportive environment. However, as with any gathering, it’s important to do your research and trust your instincts. If something feels off, you always have the right to leave.
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Not at all. Many people attend their first event out of curiosity. Beginners are welcome, and most communities offer orientation or guidelines to help new participants feel comfortable.
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Comfortable clothing (and maybe something playful to dress up in), personal hygiene essentials, and above all: an open mind. Most importantly, bring respect for your own boundaries and those of others.
